On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Are we still banned from the library?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize