Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
