omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
