Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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