thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize