I wish I could teleport
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
