i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
