I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
