Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
