There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
