I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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