OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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