i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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