i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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