So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ketchup is God's man juice
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need to calm my uterus...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
