we're blogging at a bar
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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