Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
