my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
