I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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