i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
my liver is dry heaving
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
