Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
