He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
