Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
