Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he shaved USA in his pubs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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