Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
