Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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