So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
