I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize