I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
