I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
