in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
NoShamevember. You game?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
