I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
