Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
