Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
