we're chasing vodka with high fives
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
