Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
