Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
God I need to hump something, right now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
