he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
