btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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