he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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