I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
