im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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