i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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