did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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