i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
