no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
