if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
