Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
