You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
