Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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