You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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