Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
