Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
