Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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