After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
