We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
