You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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