Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
