I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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