so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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