Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
