If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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