Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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