Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize