Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
where does the pee come out of this thing
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
