we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
