Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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