Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
