I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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